By Donald Clegg
Aa was workin’ in the garden, Aa remember varry plain
‘Cos it was the only day this yeor when it hadn’t poured wi’ rain.
Aa cut the grass and forked the beds, howked weeds ‘til aal was tame,
Pruned bushes, sorted oot the shed…….and then the midgies came!
The little b…easties bit and itched ‘til Aa was nigh demented
It must be said they’ve got to be the worst flees God invented.
Aa’d dosed mesell wi’ Skin so Soft, like the Forestry recommended
But these midgies just lapped it up. That wasn’t what Aa’d intended.
Aa rushed into the pottin’ shed where Aa knew Aa hed a spray
Guaranteed, the label said, to keep aal flees away.
Aa took off me specs and shut me eyes and give meself a borst
Nuw watch the little beggors run! Aa should have done this forst!
But howt! It didn’t seem to work. The’ just came back for mair
Me arms and face devoured --- Aa hed thousands in me hair.
Once more into the shed Aa went. Aa thowt Aa’d bettor check
And there, up on the self same shelf, another tin – by heck!
The same size and same shape – the label kind of dorty
But sure enough, this was the stuff Aa’d used ---- WD Forty!
Me son just laughed and shooted, “Ye’ve got a shiny face!
Ye’d better watch if Aa strike a match, ye’ll shoot off into space!”
“Your beard’s aal blue, your arms are too, your clothes smell aaful fusty
But there’s one thing ye can be sure aboot, when it rains ye’ll not gan rusty!”
Should have gone to Spec Savers!
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